once more (always and again), i find months of time behind me and no real understanding of how they got there.
i see days and months and years (i sure hope) before me and i've no understanding of how to reach them.
oh, of course:
one.
day.
at.
a.
time.
12.01.2011
7.09.2011
Twenty Four
Twenty Four and
most of those I grew up with are settling and settled: married, birthing, and divorcing.
and I'm starting all over (all over again).
I've traveled back to Kansas to pick up my Mom's explorer (my ride to New York), and for the first time...
I look around and see that I no longer belong here.
Strange timing.
I am just feeling all sorts of uprooted right now.
When I get back to Minneapolis I'm gonna sink my toes in the dirt in my garden and at Hidden Beach. I'm gonna pick the raspberries off my raspberry bushes and bake a pie. I'm gonna spend the next month (-) soaking up everything I love about Minneapolis.
And when I leave, I'll say: see you soon (instead of goodbye)
most of those I grew up with are settling and settled: married, birthing, and divorcing.
and I'm starting all over (all over again).
I've traveled back to Kansas to pick up my Mom's explorer (my ride to New York), and for the first time...
I look around and see that I no longer belong here.
Strange timing.
I am just feeling all sorts of uprooted right now.
When I get back to Minneapolis I'm gonna sink my toes in the dirt in my garden and at Hidden Beach. I'm gonna pick the raspberries off my raspberry bushes and bake a pie. I'm gonna spend the next month (-) soaking up everything I love about Minneapolis.
And when I leave, I'll say: see you soon (instead of goodbye)
2.03.2011
a young man, a reclusive winter, a.
young man i remember
that winter
in the field
we stared:
at the snowflakes discovering
each one its own
(but never alone)
llllllllllllllll
and i recall:
it was you who first sat in silence with me when we were too chilled to weep
it was you who first held my hand and gave me your shoulder
it was you who RAGED with me
who mourned with me
who ran with me
as i recall, little brother:
since the day i met you, and every day I've met you since...
you've been my deliverance
my constant summer in this gripping winter.
that winter
in the field
we stared:
at the snowflakes discovering
each one its own
(but never alone)
llllllllllllllll
and i recall:
it was you who first sat in silence with me when we were too chilled to weep
it was you who first held my hand and gave me your shoulder
it was you who RAGED with me
who mourned with me
who ran with me
as i recall, little brother:
since the day i met you, and every day I've met you since...
you've been my deliverance
my constant summer in this gripping winter.
1.19.2011
every man. every man for himself
its hard to say
whether distancing myself from you
(and you) (and you) (and you)
is a matter.
a matter of fear.
(or)
selfishness.
(or hopefully)
an attempt at maintaining sanity.
"i wanted you and i was looking for you but i couldn't find you"
when i am with you
i am not with you
(or you) (or you) (or you)
we are alone.
together.
(i guess)
i miss you.
(or i wish i could)
do you remember holding my hand?
"ya, nevermind."
i'd really like
to be nervous
(near you) (near you) (near you)
instead
of
so
________
(what is this?)
whether distancing myself from you
(and you) (and you) (and you)
is a matter.
a matter of fear.
(or)
selfishness.
(or hopefully)
an attempt at maintaining sanity.
"i wanted you and i was looking for you but i couldn't find you"
when i am with you
i am not with you
(or you) (or you) (or you)
we are alone.
together.
(i guess)
i miss you.
(or i wish i could)
do you remember holding my hand?
"ya, nevermind."
i'd really like
to be nervous
(near you) (near you) (near you)
instead
of
so
________
(what is this?)
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