xochitl and love

i said hello to Xochitl, but she didnt stand up to hug me. 

(Xochitl and I always share hugs)

i knelt down beside her and asked how she fared. 

she looked at me with these sad sad eyes,
threw her arms around me and held on tightly... 

after some time she said 'i dont feel good'

i held onto Xochitl for few minutes and invited her to come to my office. 

we sat together for a long while...in a hug and conversation. 

ive been falling in love with these children for 9 months. 

ive felt like i love them, ive told people that i love them. 

but this morning.... aw man, this morning.... 

This morning I felt more love towards a person than I can remember ever feeling. 

when Xochitl said ' i dont feel good' "i" disappeared.

the universe expanded, and i could see it all behind this little girls' eyes. 

time swayed, and it was led by her. 

the entirety of my life...blossomed. 

and now i am positive. now i REALLY know. 

its all worth it. everything. every loathsome and beautiful moment. 

heartbreak. death. loss. miscommunication... things to mourn but not to hold. 

So i know its risky. and i know it will hurt me eventually... but i love you--->

i love you even though i know i shouldnt

i love you even though you dont want me to

i love you even though it hurts

i love you though you may not love me

i cant help it. i wont have it any other way. 

((listen to Fill Your Hearts by David Bowie))