suddenly its June

In January: 
my best friend and I were planning our August wedding 
I had just committed to intensive african dance training
It was cold and I stayed in most of the time
I couldnt stand the sound of my voice 
I was depressed, afraid, frustrated, angry, lost


Its June now: 
my beautiful friend and I are no longer getting married
I'm performing with my african dance teacher for the first time this weekend
Its hot and I am hardly ever home
I sing...and i am understanding of my voice 
I am excited, brave, exhausted, lonely, hopeful... 

I went from living semi-passively to Living. 
I miss Emily. Despite our end, I never felt anything but the deepest love for her. I still do. I always will. 
There are ways we could have stayed together, but seeing her like she is now... 
I am convinced that we are both in the right places, in the right way. 


I find myself playing the role of my own best friend.